This year, as I’ve been tired and stressed about having too much to do and not enough time to do it (oh, life), I’ve forgotten where my priorities lie.
I committed to so much (all good things, just a lot of good things), and I quickly lost track of why I had committed to all of them in the first place.
For example: my school Bible study.
Let me start by saying this: Leading an interactive small group terrifies me. You have no idea.
I know that’s kind of random BUT I would first like to point out that God has a sense of humor.
This year I am informally leading two small groups.
For a good couple weeks, I just freaked out constantly. (I know, I handle things really well, you don’t have to tell me.)
I had spent a bunch of time feeling like it was all on me to move people’s hearts towards Christ; that I was failing if I didn’t make people laugh and keep everyone a part of the conversation at once. And I wanted to make sure that the work I was doing was actually making an impact.
But you see, too many of these worries had nothing to do with God’s glory—and everything to do with mine.
I wanted people to like me and think of me as a good leader. But again, it was all about me.
And that was when my priorities starting falling away.
Amidst my self-centered thinking, I had forgotten that bringing a group of believers together to study the Bible has so much more meaning than I was giving it.
It’s about being there for each other. Learning. Talking. Sharing. Loving.
Recently someone from our group shared a testimony about how the Bible study had recently helped him through a really hard time. (It was amazing. I cried.)
This testimony reminded me that I’m not doing this so people will like me or look up to me. I am not even doing this because I’m good at leading Bible studies. (That would be a lie—it does NOT come naturally.)
But I am doing this so that people can come closer to knowing their Savior. So they will have some much needed support when life gets rough and faith is tested.
That is why I am doing this.
I can’t say I’m good at this whole humility thing. I’m not. But with God’s help, I’m praying that my priorities would get back to the right place.
So often, God puts us in positions that make us uncomfortable so we can know what it’s like to be completely powerless and need Him all the more. It’s easy to just get frustrated when being tested, but it’s in those times that we experience Him most.
And you know, from leading these small groups, I’m learning that I love being a part of them, but leading them isn’t really my thing. And that's okay.
Honestly, it’s so freeing to know this about myself, but I mostly love what I learned about God through this whole situation.
He taught me that His work is not dependent on my expertise.
Sure, I get scared to lead; and sometimes I’m too tired to guide a decent discussion. But that doesn’t stop God.
Every day, He makes good things come out of my fear and stress and confusion. All I need to do is remember this: God's got this - and I don't have to.
How cool is that?